À la mer

This monster can't stay one size
Above his kingdom, the sea
He can't be satisfied

Retreating or advancing
The seahorses whined and the starfish armed themselves for battle
They were prepared for the war
But you just lied there in your alabaster perfection
Crystallized in sea salt and sand
Above the crisp, white waves

You slid beneath my skin
And with the spattering roar of ancient engines,
We became one
Our laughter carved out of inadequate materials of
Sweat, bones, and scales

Tossed into the glittering, cold sky
I watched you from my imprisonment
Bathed in his salty, recurring fears
You had already lost the war
The crabs clicked and the eels hissed at the failure
Advancing or retreating

This monster can't stay one size
Above his kingdom, the sea
He can't be satisfied

The Wake

Bright crimson
Blossoms in front of my eyes
Pressure on the forehead
Flames licking my mind
There's nothing like
Anger at its finest

The Stars Said So

170:
That's when I'm in the sky
Chasing the stars
Trying to capture their fleeting beauty
Between my thick fingers

The stars whispered secrets into my ears
I can join in their games
And become a perfect star-child
Once I let the numbers slide down

Maybe I should strip off all of my clothes
Dance beneath the moonlight with
Deathberries smeared across my skin
Maybe then it'll make me
Feel powerful for once

They keep singing to me
"Keep dreaming, little one.
"You won't be able to fly until
You're weightless."

162:
That's when I'm in the woods
Making a fire
Tossing bits and pieces of myself
Into the hungry flames

The stars told me to do so
They said to toss out the ashes
And then I'll feel wonderful
Once I let the numbers slide down

Maybe I should shed this imperfect skin
Let the snow fall of my face
And down to the ground
Maybe that would help me
Feel beautiful again

They keep singing to me
"Keep trying, little one.
"You won't be able to fly until
You're weightless."

144:
That's when I'm at the edge of the cliff
My breath quivering
Soul shivering in the
Relentless ocean spray

The stars promised that I would be okay
My bones jutting out and my gaunt skin
It would all be cured
Once I let the numbers slide down

Maybe I should stray away from
The rocky edge and
Peel off these filmy, insect wings
Maybe then I'll finally
Feel in control

They keep singing to me
"Keep dying, little one.
You won't be able to fly until
You're weightless."

The Hummingbird

Am I dead?

It’s hard to imagine – death, that is.

The light is gone. All I can see is the back of my eyelids and feel my palms against my face.

I dig my fingernails into my cheeks. Pain. I slide my hands from my face, letting them settle at my sides. There’s lush grass beneath me. A chilly breeze strokes my face, encouraging me to open my eyes. I can smell nature’s perfume – irises, juniper, and a faint trace of lavender. I’m in a different sea. A sea of flowers.

I can feel my heart beat. The numbness from the ocean is sliding off it, and my heart adopts a familiar tempo. Emotions start pumping through my body. In the distance, I can hear the faint cry of the lullaby.

Where is the water? Where is the heat? Where is my heart? I want them back – I need them back. I’m out of control right now – please, give me back my vice. My torture. My essence.

Let me drown.

I thrash in the grass, my senses intoxicated by the blossoms around me. Drowning in petals, drowning in ocean water – what’s the difference? I’m getting my wish, aren’t I?

Open your eyes.

My heart races at the sound of the voice. What is this fluttering, like a hummingbird trapped beneath my ribcage? My face grows hot, but it’s nothing like the blistering heat of the sun. It’s… Pleasant. Odd.

Why should I trust this voice? I can hear the man and the woman in the distance – I can hear their atrocious lullaby. He could be leading me into a trap. He could be dragging me into a future, filled with the echoes of the past. My life would be a constant rerun. Never ceasing. Never ending.

Open your eyes.

I feel heat enclose me. Close by, I hear a faint humming. Soft, sweet, but broken.

This is the point when I open my eyes.

The Sea

I'm drifting.

I let myself float. The familiar tang of salt swirls in my mouth and stings my eyes. It cradles me, its emerald and sapphire waves pushing me back and forth. To and from conciousness.

It's easier this way. I'd rather drown in this place - my place - then to return. The sun, scorching my back until it flakes like autumn leaves - I can take that. I can endure a thousand sharp teeth nipping at clothes, consuming my flesh. Those are nothing compared to the lullaby.

I'm drifting towards the sun. The west. Comforting hues of rubies. The end. It's so much easier this way, letting myself go. The water is nonjudgemental; it doesn't critize or praise. It simply drifts. I close my eyes and slip beneath the waves.

I can't see anything but black. I let the water enter my system, letting it rush into my mouth. I can taste hopes. My virginal dreams and erotic desires dance around on my tongue. They're meaningless now.

I sink towards the bottom. I open my eyes, seeing the sunlight wanes as I plunge into the inky depths. I close them again. I don't care enough to watch. I don't want to watch.

It hurts to breathe. It hurts to move. Am I dying? It sure feels like it. Lethargic limbs, asphyxiation... Seems like some classic signs.

I'm drifting towards the west. The bottom of the ocean. The end of it all. This is what I want. No more people, no more emotions, no more lullabies.

Everything has shut down. I can't feel, can't taste, can't hear. My sight hasn't faltered yet - I see effulgent bands of light. It's nothing like I've ever seen. It's so bright. Blinding.

This is the point when I cover my eyes.

The Lullaby

I hear a lullaby of screams.

I've done something wrong. I can feel it, deep in my chest. It blossoms, the petals turning a bright crimson as it settles on the surface. My brand of shame. A scarlet letter of my disgrace.

Soon enough, my name pops up. It's intertwined with the shrieking, off-key melody of a woman. A man bellows a harmony. My ears ring as they combine their song.

Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn.

Ah, the dissonance. Too bad the chord won't resolve.

Their words leak through the thin, filmy barrier that I have created. The lyrics have ceased to shock me; it isn't the first time I have heard these notes. They're far too familiar now to bother me.

This is the point when I close my eyes.

Nature's Lament (The White Wolf)

She's okay
- Her crystallized tears
Stashed beneath her skirts

(Her cold breath)
It's quivering
A string of sixteenth notes
Over the roots of
A fallen tree
Cracked bark
Decaying leaves

Oh, dear Mr. Winter
Have you come to warm her soul?
Even if frost creeps around her
And her lips turn blue
She's still here, waiting for you

Oh, dear Mr. Wolf
Have you come to save her soul?
Even if you bare your fangs for her
And fear runs you through
She's still here, waiting for you

(Her icy eyes)
They're glistening
A frozen landscape
Where the creatures
Are finding paradise
Nighttime sonatas
Moonlit flowers

She's okay
- Her stone heart
Learning to beat again

By the Way

Wrap her up in a blanket
of snow
Untouchable
Untouched
Love is something she buys in a second-hand store
Penny candy
Cheap sweets
Short skirts and tight shirts
Swim in the sea of femininity
Diluted with sunlight

All she wants is lipstick against lipstick
A moonlight serenade
A chance to dine with night
And she sits around the corner of her office
With tulips – crimson – whispering in her ears

Wrap them up in a cocoon
of starlight
Blinding
Blinded
Love is something they see in billboard advertisements
Dazzling smiles
Warm touches
Engagement rings and wedding veils
Walk among the desert of expectancy
Unquenchable thirst

All they want is cologne mixed with perfume
A sunset embrace
An ideal bonding
And they amble in circles on the boardwalk
With questions – silent – dancing in their heads

She hears her heart beating
Her sanity receding
As she stands at the edge of the tracks
One, two, three
She counts silently
Love lost on her lips

They see her mind pace
The minutes – a race
As they fail to move at all
One, two, three
They scream aloud
Life lost on the tracks

The Other Side (12:01)

Smile at my reflection
Scream at my imperfection
These curves, these lips, these eyes
These lies
They are what you think you see
What you want to see

Games

So I buttoned my zipper
And greeted you good-bye
The summer frost on the windows
And the sunset rose into the sky

So you revved your tricycle
And drove it away
The rain fell up
And adults were at play

Out in the Open

Fox
- Hiding in the den
Too afraid that the
Bloodhounds will come for her

Dog
- In the meadows
Searching for
His purpose in life

One night she decides to dart
Out of her comfort zone

One night he decides to wait
And give her a chance

The stars are spectating
The nightfall is coming
Don't think - just do